#116 – We can all send letters to Santa.

This is a serious letter to Santa.  That fat old geezer has had it too easy for too long.  He just keeps getting fatter every year.  The elves do all the heavy lifting making toys.  Santa just sits back in his manager’s chair and decides whether kids are naughty or nice.  (And, the truth be known, it’s getting tougher to make it to the nice list.)  If it were not for fertility drugs and kids in Thailand learning about Santa, his workload would be a lot less.  And he only works one day a year.  Big deal!  Sure he goes all around the world but he has 24 hours to get around and the reindeer do all the sledding slugging.

Bet you thought Santa was still doing the chimney trick. Hah!  Obviously you missed hearing about the breaking and entering charge.  It went all the way to the Supreme Court.  The judges admitted they might have been more lenient until they found out that those consenting adults were doing more than hanging their stockings in front of the fire place.  In the settlement, Santa agreed to just drop the toys down the chimney from now on and to surrender his minicam to the court.

Santa, you have to understand that this wish list is really for the people of Babel.  You remember Babel.  It is a place with aspirations to be a city but with the mentality of a small town.  It is a catchment for country folk just out of the turnip patch and cost-conscious commuters from Toronto.  It is a town where planners come to die.  It has streets that go nowhere and have nowhere to go.  Mind you, that works well for the drivers who have absolutely no idea where they are going.

Santa, we have got to do something for these poor people of Babel.  We have to get them to see their local Member of Parliament for what he is.  It little matters that you and I see him for a self-serving nobody.  What we need is the broad realization that Babel can do so much better.  That will be the epiphany.  It will be when people say: “We are spending about half a million dollars a year of the taxpayers’ money for this person to annoy us by filling our mailboxes with junk and spending all his time trying to get re-elected.”

And while you are at it, there is one small item that you might add for the hookers down on Dunlop.  Those dear ladies are freezing their tushies off in this weather.  They need ski pants instead of net stockings and short skirts.  And since ski pants would lack a certain curb appeal in their business, these ski pants need to be transparent.  Who knows, the transparent ski pants fad might catch on for the ski slopes.  And with transparent ski pants, panties would be optional.  Just think of the added business for the ski hills.

Enjoy your Christmas flight Santa.  Say ‘hi” to Donner and Prancer for me.

– 30 –

Complaints, comments, criticisms and compliments can be sent to   peter@lowry.me

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