#117 – England’s Royals: Not ending with a whimper.

If you listen to the latest gossip about the wannabes and celebrity nobodies of Hollywood, the conversation will eventually gush across the pond to the big events coming up over in England.  The gossips are all a-twitter over the April nuptials for William and Kate.  It appears that the Royals intend to go out with a stiff upper lip and all that.  It would never do to have the final scene for the Royals to be to be Charles III riding off into the English sunset with Queen Camilla stoically by his side.

Mind you, the Queen’s facebook page seems to be saying: “We Royals might not be what we once were but we are not dead yet.”  Considering that the Queen’s mother lived to 101 (already pickled in fine brandies), nobody expects to lose Elizabeth II in the next day or so.  Some must hope she outlives Charles.  It is not that anyone cares much, one way or another, about Charles but anyone who would rather sleep with Camilla instead of Diana, the people’s princess, is definitely not considered kingly material.

Overcoming obstacles such as Camilla must be the reason for the current movie The King’s Speech.  As a child of the times, there are less than fond memories of having to hunker by the radio to listen to George VI stutter through another Christmas message.  Obviously a stutter can be overcome.  Camilla is ugly.  Overcome that!

But the good news is that William is a coproduction of Charles and Diana.  And, for good measure, Harry is on stand-by. A handsome lad, coming into his prime, William is ready to do his duty by a winsome lass, ready to produce the next generation of Royals.  In the current tradition of shoring up the royal gene pool with common stock, William has had his girl friend thoroughly vetted and accepted into the inner circle.

And who could ask for anything more.  She is definitely pretty, with good teeth, and even her name—Middleton—bespeaks a middle class background.  She will look great on the souvenir fine china and linen collectibles licensed by the Royals and once again Westminster Abbey will come into use for another era.  The British Broadcasting Corporation will pay off much of England’s debt through the sale of rights to the nuptials that billions will watch around the world. Mind you the Royals will need new insights into the marketing possibilities to take full advantage of the occasion.

We assume that CTV network has already entered negotiations to block the CBC and pay an outrageous price for the wedding exclusive.  Lloyd Robertson will anchor in London, bringing loyal Canadians a blow by blow description of each hoof beat as Kate’s carriage heads for the abbey.  Prime Minister Harper will, of course, call for time-out in the election campaign so that he can be at the abbey for the nuptials.  (There will be a permanent camera focused on him, in case he smiles.)

The Royals will enjoy the euphoria of the moment but will find the effort to be in vain.  Even if half of the Canadian (English-speaking) population take a few minutes to watch some aspect of the pageantry, it will be meaningless.  The Royals are part of Canada’s past.  There is no place for such a foolish anachronism in our country’s future.

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Complaints, comments, criticisms and compliments can be sent to   peter@lowry.me

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