Wait for it: Royal Northern Gateway Pipeline.

Have you heard the latest solution the Prime Minister’s Office is suggesting to move the damn bitumen pipelines along? It is so simple, they should have thought of it a year ago. They are going to proceed with the pipelines under the system of royal warrant. By Royal Warrant of Appointment, Enbridge Pipelines will be Supplier of Bitumen to the British Royal Family. Think of it! Can anyone deny Enbridge the right to supply Mr. Harper’s dearly loved Royals the right to their supply of bitumen?

And do not forget, it is not just our Sovereign who has the right to sell Royal Warrants. Her Consort, the Duke of Edinburgh, and her son, the Prince of Wales also have the right to issue the royal privileges. That way, doubling the Kinder Morgan line to Vancouver can be sanctioned under the auspices of the old duke and Charles can issue the Warrant for reversing Enbridge’s Line 9 in Ontario. All the lines are needed to get the bitumen out of Alberta. Mind you, they are still looking for some lesser way for Billy and Kate to add their imprimatur to the Keystone XL Pipeline in the United States. Yanks are impressed with Royals too you know!

Can you just see the pomp and ceremony that the Royals can bring to the signing of the deals to bring bitumen to the sea? Prince Harry can fill in for his grandmother but she can always be trucked out if essential to cowing the First Nations into allowing the Great White Mother (Enbridge, not Her Majesty) to run pipelines through lands granted them by Queen Victoria.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s ally in all of this is Brit Prime Minister David Cameron who is also helping sell bitumen to the European Market. The other European countries are shying away from bitumen because of the extremely high cost and large carbon footprint involved in processing bitumen into synthetic oil. And Europeans are not all that impressed with Brit royalty.

But they are big sellers in Canada in Stephen Harper’s opinion. He thinks Canadians are happy that he has spent so much money relabeling the Canadian military and army regiments as Royal this, or Royal that. The truth is that Canadians are not too interested but tend to live and let live but they are not about to cross the street for the royals.

The fine point of all of this great thinking, is the quiet aside Her Majesty made to Prince Philip when briefed by Prime Minister Cameron: “Dear, what in bloody hell is bitumen?”

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Copyright 2013 © Peter Lowry

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