We gotta get behind this leadership candidate.

The truth is that it was hard to stop laughing when the news was first announced: Patrick Brown MP is considering running for the leadership of the Ontario Conservatives. It is just that the more you think of it, the more you see the irreparable damage it will do to the Conservative movement in Canada. You really need to know Patrick to understand.

Babel-on-the-Bay normally refers to Patrick as the MP for Babel. Barrie already has enough strikes against it. Why should Barrie take the blame for Patrick as well? Mind you it shows just how a-political Barrie can be. This is the only area in Ontario to ever elect a Reform candidate to parliament. It has wandered between Conservatives and Liberals until the Conservatives figured out how to gerrymander the riding in the recent federal distribution.

In charitable terms, Patrick Brown is what is known as a ‘retail politician.’ He plays on people’s ignorance of how Ottawa functions. While what he does in Ottawa remains a mystery to his constituents, he advertises heavily on the taxpayers’ dime and he has never met a charity that he could not use for self aggrandizement. The stock comment by the Barrie hoi-polloi is that he is wonderful in helping Barrie charities—despite all the work actually being done by the political staff we pay for.

In Ottawa, he is a lackey. He makes no contribution on committees or in parliament other than the puff pieces he reads for cabinet members whom he follows like a puppy. When he was caught charging taxpayers for paying his way to the New York Marathon by saying he was going to the United Nations, he quickly repaid the expense. It is like trying to find out what type of lawyer he used to be—other than one who had repeated difficulty with the Bar Admission exams.

In person, Patrick Brown is not someone you would consider having for a dear friend. Nor do many mothers consider him an ideal catch for their aging single daughters. He lacks social graces, personal appeal or any wit to speak of. Brown is barely housebroke.

But Brown thinks he might like Timmy Hudak’s old job. Could he do worse? Could he lead the Ontario Progressive Conservatives to the promised land? The truth is that he would keep the Ontario Progressive Conservatives out of office for another ten years.

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Copyright 2014 © Peter Lowry

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