Fleeing to Florida.

We are in November and many Canadians are contemplating their trip to Florida for the winter. Why, we do not know. Are you not aware that Floridians hate Canadians? They voted for Trump you know. And why Canadians think they have some God-given right to go waste our Canadian loonies on the soft life at the buffet tables of that state is beyond reason.

And who wants to play golf in a muggy climate on alligator and snake infested fairways? There is damn little else to do in that state. It is hardly a haven of intellectualism.

All you so-called snow bunnies or snow birds need to suck it up and keep those loonies in Canada. Learn to enjoy our winters. Stay and contribute to the collective warmth. You must be aware that the only reason we do not all freeze to death in our hockey arenas is all the shouting and screaming and jumping up and down. And why would you give up all that fun for vegging out in Florida? And, if you did mention your trip when you get home, one of your neighbours might punch you in the mouth.

Besides, what these turncoats do not realize is that every penny spent on cheap Mexican-made clothes in Florida is credited to the U.S. trade account, not ours. The loonies you are leaving in Florida are the reason the loonie is only worth 80 cents on the American dollar.

And how are you supposed to get to this purported land of milk and honey and sunshine? If you go by plane, you are putting yourself in a long aluminum tube with thin, less oxygenated air so your heart can do extra duty all the way there and all the way back. And in that uncomfortable aluminum tube, for hours, you can exchange your germs and microbes with all those other snow birds.

You can always drive of course but then you get to help pay for the questionable law enforcement in all those quaint byways and towns between your home and Florida. And if you think this is just southern hospitality, you should never be caught short around Carrolton, New York. This town near Buffalo has been clipping Canadians for $200 and $300 tolls per trip for years and the state legal community thinks it is amusing.

The closest I ever want to get to Florida for the rest of my life is to drink some orange juice.


Copyright 2017 © Peter Lowry

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