Category: New

“Mr. Harper, Mr. Harper, you are back from Darfur!”

“I am back dear voters to save Canada from danger.”

“Mr. Harper, Mr. Harper, what danger comes at us?”

“I am PM but opponents want to change my status.”

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Snake was lurking at his team’s blue line as the coach had instructed him. The game action was metres ahead, around his team’s goal. He wanted to join the scrum but his instructions were clear: “stay out there at the blue line and be ready to take that puck down the ice for a goal.”

The coach’s reasoning was sound. If any of his players fighting for the puck around their goal could get a chance, they would send the puck down the ice. By having Snake out there, ready to pounce on the puck, there was a good chance for a break away. He was right and soon the puck came wobbling out to the blue line where Snake was waiting.

With his trademark stutter-step-start, Snake was off with the puck. It took some time for a near-by defence man for the other team to realize that Snake was wearing the wrong color sweater and to take off after him. The defence man realized that his coach would be disappointed in him for letting Snake get behind him like that. The coach was going to tell him for the 437^th time to pay attention.

By now, Snake had a fair lead. What he lacked in speed, he made up for in determination. He focussed on the goal down at the other end of the ice and he was all alone as he flew over the centre line and then the opponent’s blue line. He had a clear field ahead of him accept for an obviously nervous goalie who was slowly moving forward from the net to cut down Snake’s angle for a shot.

But he could also hear the other players coming behind him. They were close. He heard Jerry, his centre behind him call out and he knew Jerry would catch up and go left. That left Snake to go to the right and have the opportunity to pass or go for the goal. It depended on the goalie.

Snake made his move and he veered right. The goalie stuck with him, backing up now to cut off Snake on the short side of the net. Snake held as long as he could and then passed. The goalie was cutting off his opening too fast. He had to give the glory to Jerry. That, he knew, was the important move. He would settle for the assist.

It was at this point that something or someone hit him in the backs of the legs. Within a fraction of a second he was down and sliding on his back into the boards to the side of the net. He hit with a loud crash but he was too busy checking the referee who had blown the whistle as he hit to worry about any bruising..

Pulling himself together, Snake jumped up and raced over to congratulate Jerry on the goal. To his surprise, Jerry gave him a high five and a “Great Snake!”

“But, you got the goal, didn’t you,” he shouted over the noise of his team mates.

“No,” Jerry responded. “Your pass went off a skate. It deflected your shot into the net. You got the goal, unassisted.”

By giving up his chance for the glory, Snake had won it after all.

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Complaints, comments, criticisms and compliments can be sent to [email protected]

MPP Caplan can stick his oppressive ideas for the TTC in his dimple,

Blaming the unions for its management problems is much too simple.

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The following is an abbreviated version of a presentation prepared for a chapter of Beta Sigma Phi in Barrie, Ontario.

It was 45 years ago that the red maple leaf first flew as Canada’s flag. It was a brisk, cold night in mid February as people gathered informally on Parliament Hill to witness the event. The flag hung limp as it was slowly raised to the top of the Centre Block. The people watching were silent as though collectively willing the new flag to catch the breeze. When the breeze did catch it and the maple leaf and its red borders streamed in the wind, the cheering was loud and excited.

There was not the same excitement for the country’s national anthem that had a gestation of more than 100 years, with many rewrites and modifications. God Save the Queen remained the national anthem of Canada until July 1, 1980. O Canada had been the country’s most popular patriotic song since the early 1900s. This was despite the fact that most of us were confused by the number of times we were required to sing that we would Stand on guard.

Both anthem and flag were introduced on Parliament Hill and while the Canada Day crowd was larger for the introduction of the newly approved national anthem, it did not seem as exciting as that cold winter day when the flag was unfurled.

Discussion of a new flag had started back in 1919. At the time, the Union Jack of Great Britain was the only national flag. As Prime Minister William Lyon Mackenzie King must have reported to his mother in his séances, if you really want to start another donnybrook in parliament, just suggest that they should consider a new flag. As it was, Prime Minister Lester Pearson’s Liberals had to resort to trickery to get the Conservative opponents on the parliamentary committee to agree to the single maple leaf flag. The opponents thought the Liberals wanted to support what was rudely called the ‘Pearson Pennant’—a version with three blue maple leaves. When the Liberals also supported the single red maple leaf flag, the deed was done.

As you can see at the Vancouver Olympics, people from across this country are proud to wrap themselves in the colors and in the actual flag.

But what we saw in the opening of the Olympics was not what was intended for our national anthem. As many performers have found out, to their dismay, putting your individual interpretation on the national anthem is not a crowd pleaser. Giving a jazz interpretation might amuse jazz enthusiasts but can deeply offend people who prefer the more traditional version. After all, the national anthem is a hymn to the country and for someone to change words or change the beat is to mock the song and country.

The one thing Canadians have always agreed upon is the music originally written by Calixa Lavallée in 1880 has become the official music and it is not rap, western, jazz, Dixie. operatic or bluegrass. It is to be played with dignity and not so slow as to become a dirge. The words have had many revisions over the years but are based on the Robert Stanley Weir version that he wrote in Montreal in 1908. In approving the music and words for our national anthem, the only change the parliamentarians made in the English words was to take out some of the Stand on guards. That has left many of us just humming along when we get to that part. Hopefully, children, now in elementary school, will grow up knowing the right words.

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The hockey game hardly rests on one person solely,

But last night I would have settled for a good goalie.

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We can hardly be disappointed in how Canada’s athletes have done,

It is not in the Olympic spirit to judge them in terms of medals won.

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Politicians sell the citizens’ assets, no one’ll notice, they think,

That lasts until the citizens get the bills, then they raise a stink.

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Why do you write in couplets, my man?

The very easy answer is: Because I can.

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When George Brown founded the Globe, many long years ago,

He gave voice to other opinions because of our need to know.

Today, we head in a new direction, a big business seed to sew,

The media now feed pap to the masses, Harper’s horn to blow.

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The thrills of the Olympics have hardly been oversold,

Yesterday we saw a dramatic run for snowboard gold.

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It was fight night at the Babel Beer Barn last Saturday night. It was supposed to be a hockey game but these guys know what pleases their fans. While there was some testiness, the first period was just to let you know that they also know how to play hockey. They are good. They are one of the top contending teams of the Ontario Hockey League (OHL).

But, as already mentioned, they know what really pleases their fans. The fights came fast and furious during the second period. There was really no reason for the fights. You can blame it on young men’s testosterone if you like but the fans loved it. How the referees sorted out all the penalties was really the major mystery.

The truth is that watching young men go at each other with bare knuckles is stupid and disgusting. Hockey hardly needs that to sell tickets. Admittedly, the Babel fans seemed to love it but their level of civilization is in question.

Maybe that is why the Beer Barn is designed so badly. It is supposedly a place to drink beer but if you do, you are tinkering with trouble. First of all there are not enough washrooms. Where half the men go to pee, I would hate to ask. The line-ups at the washrooms between periods are staggering.

And speaking of staggering. Have you tried to negotiate the stairs in that place? There are no rails. You are taking your life in your hands if your seat is either high or low in the tiers of seating. You have to be cold sober to reach the last row of seats. Maybe the designer left it to God to look after the drunks.

While the Barn obviously holds a few thousand people for a hockey game, it really is an intimate place. My seat the other night was directly in front of the Rogers Cable broadcast booth. (Yes, it is Rogers that matters in Babel, not the local CTV-owned TV station that CTV says is supposed to matter.) I turned to the Rogers announcer after the first period and complimented him on his play-by-play announcing. I was particularly pleased that he had not once said “Holy Mackinaw.”

What bothered me about the Barn visit is that my daughter and I had brought Snake and the Corporal with us. Snake is playing non-contact hockey with other 12-year olds and the Corporal is an aspiring goalie with the 10-year olds. My grandsons hardly need to watch adults pummel each other with bare knuckles for the pleasure of the mob.

Next time I want to see hockey from the Beer Barn, I will do it from the comfort and safety of my living room and watch it on the local Rogers channel. (No high definition for us small markets but you can hardly have everything in Babel.)

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Complaints, comments, criticisms and compliments can be sent to [email protected]