Babel-on-the-Bay – Page 408 – Babel-on-the-Bay is the personal website of Peter Lowry. It is a vehicle for political commentaries.

So, where’s the beef?

August 3, 2012 by Peter Lowry

Okay, all you Liberals out there. The time has come. Your party needs you. The leadership contest must be in the phony war stage. Nothing is happening. Are we or are we not going to have a leadership contest? Sure, we mentioned that everyone needed time to assess their chances and test the waters for financial support. Do you need the entire summer? This is August for goodness sake.

One of our spies in Ottawa—who is in Toronto for the summer—filled us in on the strategy the other day. “They are all waiting for Justin,” we were told. He has already said he is not running but seems to want to have a second chance at maybe not running again in September. He is spending the summer judging the size of the crowds he draws at events across Canada.

“Does that mean he will not run if he is not pleased with the size of the crowds attending these events?” asked your enquiring reporter.

“No, it just means he will reassess the possibilities,” was the answer.

That is therefore the story of the Liberal Party this summer. We will call it “The Summer of waiting for Justin.”

And that leaves Bob Rae sitting in his backyard watching the grass grow. It leaves a good bet for party leader such as New Brunswick MP Dominic LeBlanc attending party barbeques and waiting for Justin.

What Justin does not realize is that while he has put everything into limbo, the party still needs leadership. And that explains why Justin should say ‘No’ again in September or as soon as possible.

There are issues the party and caucus have to address now. For example, by hook or by crook Stephen Harper is going to find a way to get bitumen from the Alberta tar sands to a seaport. It will be by Enbridge’s Northern Gateway across British Columbia, south to the Texas ports through TransCanada’s XL pipeline or east by reversing old pipelines from Saint John, New Brunswick. That tar sands gunk has to be processed into a lighter, synthetic crude oil before it should be shipped anywhere. It is too dangerous to our environment in its bitumen state. We cannot let Harper win on this issue just because we have no leader.

Before Justin Trudeau runs for anything, he has to find out where he stands. He has to know about the issues and he has to care about them—not the numbers coming out to see Pierre Trudeau’s son.

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Our CBC Olympians!

August 2, 2012 by Peter Lowry

What were we saying about former CTV head Ivan Fecan the other day? His chickens have really come home to roost. Bell Canada’s executives are the chumps. And it could not have happened to a more deserving crew of capitalists. It often happens that the experts on screwing the public are the most gullible.

The news reporter on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) National News last might could hardly contain herself: the CBC has won the Canadian broadcast rights to the next set of Summer and Winter Olympic Games. When CTV bid $153 million for the Vancouver and London Games to the CBC’s paltry bid, estimated at about $50 million, it set up CTV’s future owners—Bell Canada—for Olympic losses in the tens of millions.

Bell Canada has absolutely no concept of the showmanship and chutzpah involved in the television network business. Ivan Fecan seemed to be playing a very complex game to convince Bell that ownership of both the mobile telephone networks and the television networks was the future route to great riches. It is also the route to great losses if you are ignorant of the wants of your potential customers.

All that Bell is ending up with is a television network business that they paid too much for and that the executive group does not understand.

The only risk in all of this is that the Bell bosses might get mad and try to get their good friend Stephen Harper to do something about that damn CBC. Actually there is not too much more he can do to the people’s radio-television network. Everyone knows he hates the CBC and keeps cutting its government funding.

The keen observers of this Olympic television rights fiasco are just waiting for the end of the London Games and getting tickets to watch announcer Brian Williams going into the CBC English-language headquarters on Front Street in Toronto. Thousands would pay big bucks to see Brian begging the CBC brass for his old job back. And he will probably get it, at a reasonable cut in pay!

But it is Ivan (pronounced like Yvonne) Fecan who is doing all the chortling in retirement. He not only made the big bucks for himself but he did a service for all Canadians: he stuck it to Bell Canada.

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The perfect hair of Stephen Harper.

August 1, 2012 by Peter Lowry

It is amazing what can get readers interested. A story the other day mentioned the Prime Minister’s exquisite hairpiece. Lo and behold, we get e-mails pro and con the idea that the guy wears some hair that might not have his follicles. So what? Only his hairdresser knows what is real and what is not.

Okay, hands up everybody who thinks that is all Stephen’s real hair. Quiet. We are counting here.

Next, can we have hands up by everyone who is sure that Stephen wears a rug.

That settles it. Readers of Babel-on-the-bay are a pretty knowledgeable bunch. They ‘ayes’ have it. Stephen’s rug appears to be general knowledge.

Having viewed the various iterations of Stephen Harper over the years, it is obvious that the first hairpiece was in place in the 90s. It was lank and lacked the iron-grey strength of today’s more professional pieces. After all, he could only get the cost of his full-time hairdresser covered after becoming Prime Minister back in 2006. With all Stephen Harper’s travels around the world, his hairdresser probably has more air travel time in an Airbus A310 than most of the Canadian Forces Air Transport Command pilots.

This is probably the same hair and make-up specialist that Harper hired away from CTV back when he defeated Paul Martin and moved into his first minority government. Stephen seems to keep her busy. We hear that she not only does his hair, fixes his make up—you can see the eye-liner when he does a TV bit—uses a lint remover to fix his suits and, we suppose, even does the fast check of his clothes, shoes and makes sure his fly is done up. Hey, maybe that is why he is often late for media and photo sessions.

To really see the scope and placement of his hairpieces, you have to have a camera person shooting tight head and shoulders shots outside on a windy day. You will notice that the straight front of the hair across the forehead will sometimes shift slightly, as a single piece. It happens when she has not used enough glue. It would take a force eight gale to disturb a single strand of that hair with all the lacquer she sprays on it.

Maybe we can have some fun criticizing Stephen’s hairpiece in our blog but it is hardly a subject worthy of the lads and lassies of our nation’s fourth estate. They need to check for substance in the man. And if they ever find any, maybe they could let the rest of us know about it.

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“It’s the economy, stupid.”

July 31, 2012 by Peter Lowry

It was in the Clinton presidential campaign in 1992 that the slogan about the economy was supposed to keep the campaign workers focused on the main issue. If it was important back then, it is vital today. Americans and the rest of the world have gone through Hell in the past four years and it is the politician who can promise economic succour who will win the lolly this fall.

So what is Republican candidate Mitt Romney doing on a world tour? Having worked with a few political candidates who were their own worst enemy, sending the guy on a trip might have been considered the safest thing to do. Mind you, once he got to England and started to shove his foot down his throat, all bets were off. The last thing the Brits needed was another rude American tourist. Telling them what they were doing wrong with the Olympics was not a very diplomatic gesture.

His handlers got Romney out of the British Isles before he restarted the War of 1812. They obviously could not trust him to make nice with the French and the Germans have more important things to do running the European economy. So, he pops up to do some sabre rattling in Israel.

If he had known how easy it would be for the Iranians to obliterate the Holy Land with nukes, Romney would have done his sabre rattling from a safer distance. It is amazing how American politicians scramble over each other in their eagerness to show what a friend they are to Israel. It is as though the American Jewish vote is some kind of Holy Grail on the road to winning the White House.

Next thing you know is that Romney has popped up in Poland. At least he is not entertaining the locals with Polish jokes. He is one

But none of these travels have anything to do with the economy. The secret for Romney this fall will be his choice of Vice President.

If he needs any help in this regard, we would suggest that he choose Bernie Madoff. Yes, that Bernie Madoff. It makes sense. For one thing, you are saved the time and trouble of vetting him. Everything you need to know about the guy is an open book. And you always know just were to find him: in prison. After Romney has won the presidency, he can exercise a little executive clemency. After all, nobody expects Madoff to serve his full 150 years in the slammer.

And why not? Madoff has already proved that he can run the biggest illegal ponzi scheme in history. And what is the American tax system but a huge, legal ponzi scheme? Where else would you find the perfect Vice President?

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It is all in the staging.

July 30, 2012 by Peter Lowry

The buzzword in Ottawa used to be ‘optics.’ When asked about the optics, it meant you were supposed to understand how things looked politically. Whatever the current buzzword might be must have been flying around last week when Prime Minister Harper agreed to meet with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. There must have been a storm of messages texted back and forth from Harper’s people to Ford’s people to get the meet organized.

The first concern was the meeting place. The standard arrangement is that the junior politician has to go, on bended knee, to the place where the senior politician reigns. That was waived this time because the Prime Minister had a great photo-op (a likely picture in all the major papers and on TV that night) in Oshawa where he could be seen crowing over the supposed success of Harper-style economics and the financial accomplishments of General Motors Canada.

That did not mean that he would then travel to Toronto City Hall. That would send the wrong message. Mayor Ford had to meet him halfway. That meant they had to meet in Scarborough. (And that really is foreign soil for west-ender Ford.) Next they had to agree on a place. Somebody suggested that since they were meeting ostensively to talk about guns and policing, they should meet in a police station. The next trick was to find a cop-shop with a big enough room for the news media, a bunch of flags and egos as big as Ford’s and Harper’s. They found there was such a place.

The advance team from Stephen Harper’s office probably sent out a rush order for more lights and more flags to decorate the room but it looked fine when the media gathered to witness the meeting of these two leaders. The Prime Minister was, as usual, perfectly dressed in a buttoned-up virgin wool suit and finely coifed in his exquisite hairpiece.

Mayor Ford, on the other hand, was himself. With his gut hanging over his belt, suit coat undone, tie askew, unbuttoned sweat-stained shirt collar, spiked hair and jowls quivering, Rob Ford was every inch his worship, the slob.

These are two very different men within a common political vision. They did the meet and greet for the news media.

The media wondered why they were both so closed-mouth about their private discussion. The truth be known, they had nothing to discuss other than a common interest in fishing. Did the media think they would tell them that?

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The Brits can certainly handle royalty.

July 29, 2012 by Peter Lowry

Who would not have enjoyed that jolly send-up of the Queen in the opening of the London Olympics. Even many of Her Majesty’s Canadian subjects could understand those odd bits of British humour that made the obligatory opening celebrations a delight to watch. Director Danny Boyle, who produced the living movie, as he described it, must have thought he had died and gone to Heaven when he got that assignment.

The Queen (a stand-in at least) parachuting out of a helicopter with filmdom’s current James Bond (Daniel Craig) was about as broad as British humour gets. Mind you, actor Rowan Atkinson—in his Mr. Bean persona—was much funnier in his skit with the London Symphony Orchestra.

Watching the ceremonies, you had to admit that the Brits really know how to do pantomime. At the same time, you have to admit that British designers should never have been allowed to dress any of the cast of thousands. When one hears the words “British design, one automatically thinks of the word: dowdy. Mind you, for the Mary Poppins portion, they had to stick with the period.

Even during the entry of the athletes—pronounced ath-letes, not ath-el-etes—those costumes on the escorts where ridiculous. If the attempt was to be sure not to overshadow the athletes’ costumes, they certainly succeeded. And the ladies with the stand-up letters over their heads, for each country, were hardly dressed in anything close to haute couture.

But, backing up to the royals, that was supposed to be the highlight of the evening. Even the Queen’s corgis got into the act. Those little dogs were much better actors than the Queen. They certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves in their role—much more than Daniel Craig. When Craig jumped out of the helicopter, you understood why he wanted to do it, seemingly without a parachute.

And this is just another reason why Canada should not use the British royals for its head of state. Canadian politicians would never agree to the Queen doing acting stunts like that in this country. Our Canadian politicians are far too bloody uptight for that.

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Gunfight in the Halifax corral.

July 28, 2012 by Peter Lowry

Canada’s provincial premiers get together every year to bitch about the federal government. You hardly expect the meeting to be shanghaied by a snarling match between two western premiers. Poor Jean Charest from Quebec, who is going to the polls next month, was almost ignored as everyone egged on Alison Redford from Alberta and Christy Clark from British Columbia. Their mud wrestling was actually in a slurry of tar sands bitumen spilling into B.C. from Alberta.

While Alison Redford won national recognition for her trouncing her Wildrose opponent in the last Alberta election, it was Christy Clark who was playing the careful political game. Faced with an election in the next year and not looking good in the polls, Clark needed the publicity to show that a) she is environmentally smart, b) was out for money to help B.C. taxpayers and c) looked good in the Premier role while she was at it.

Some people might have thought it was a slip of the tongue when Clark took the first poke at Redford. Clark appeared to be going after Alberta’s resources royalties and Redford made the mistake of responding angrily.Clark knew just where to scratch. The resource royalties are what has made Alberta the greed and isolationist capital of Canada.

Since the time when Ontario residents paid a premium for oil and gas products to support Alberta’s fledgling oil industry, this country has desperately needed a balanced national energy program. Instead, the federal government has used transfer payments to the have-not provinces to try to balance the economy. And the long-reigning Alberta Conservatives have built their dynasty on the fiction of provincial rights to resources.

By the time cooler heads prevailed in Halifax, Redford had fallen squarely into Clark’s trap. B.C. voters were bound to be fully behind Clark’s mildly stated case for protection from catastrophe if the Northern Gateway Pipeline was to go through B.C. She made the point very well that if B.C. was going to take all the risks for the pipeline, then why should the province not share in the profits. By the end of the conference, Redford had to explain that if B.C. wants to get more money from pipeline builder Enbridge, that was quite alright with her. Just do not think of touching Alberta’s royalties.

It looks like the lovely Premier of B.C., Christy Clark, went home with a smile.

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Down the rabbit hole with Paul Godfrey.

July 27, 2012 by Peter Lowry

Standing and chatting in the aisle between the Caribbean Poker and craps tables, we had looked around and asked, “What are we doing in this dreary place?”

“It’s just 20 minutes from home and you promised me a fancy dinner,” was the wife’s quick answer.

It turned out that the good steak place had a waiting list and we ended up with the second best restaurant at Rama. That was okay. Rama was treating. Luckily the casino does not just offer complimentary meals and entertainment to the big losers. The wife is a really tough craps player and the guys at the $5 table will always make room for her. She makes the game fun. And she knows how to play it.

Craps can be fun but my specialty is blackjack. This is a game where, if you understand the odds, take advantage of the opportunities, manage your money properly and know when to walk away, you not only enjoy the game but enjoy the profits it offers. Ontario Lottery and Gaming boss Paul Godfrey hardly needs us to help him produce $2 billion in profits each year for the Ontario government.

But Paul has fallen for the one lure that is the downfall of all gamblers: greed. He wants more. He wants to break into the Toronto market. He wants to serve the potential market better. He could, we suppose, if he could just do something about the myopic politicians who get in the way. It might also help to overcome the criminal elements that are running clandestine gambling places throughout the Greater Toronto Area.

Paul also needs to pull his casinos out of the dark ages. Dark is not sexy in casinos. Dark is not only not sexy, it is eyestrain. Those places can afford proper lighting.

And Paul really needs to improve his employee relations. You get the distinct impression in dealing with employees at Rama that things are not that great. They seem fatalistic about how badly things are being run. The combination of the two organizations, the Alcohol and Gaming Commission and Ontario Lottery and Gaming trying to run these operations is ridiculous.

Paul Godfrey also needs to stop listening to local politicians posturing for votes and do his job properly. He obviously understands where local politicians are coming from. He was one.

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Would that they walked in our Birkenstocks.

July 26, 2012 by Peter Lowry

A spokesperson for Ontario Finance Minister Dwight Duncan said it all for the Ontario Whigs the other day. She is quoted in the Toronto Star as saying that “This government believes that Ontarians are well served by the current retail system for beverage alcohol.”

She is talking about a retail system established in 1927 to appease the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union. This is about as up-to-date as the Ontario Whigs can get.

And this spokesperson has obviously never visited “The worst Beer Store in Ontario” here in Babel.

We gave up complaining about the dump a couple years back. It is a waste of time. This Beer Store does not accept complaints. The problem is that Brewers Warehousing (owned by the big foreign-owned beer companies) has to decide whether it is in the distribution business, the retail beer business or the bottle return business. It is currently making a disgusting mess of all three.

In Babel’s Anne Street store, the floors are awash in the dregs of empties to the point that the layered crud will rip the Birkenstocks off your feet. The smell is enough to knock you over. The constantly replaced staff is poorly trained and has two speeds: slow and slower. We could always drive more than twice as far and patronize one of the four other Beer Stores in Babel but they each have their own problems.

We keep pointing out to myopic Ontario politicians that the operative word for convenience stores in Ontario is the word “convenience.” The idea is that these convenience stores can be a convenient place to get supplies of beer and wine. Yes, it will be slightly more expensive but do not forget what the extra charge is for: convenience.

With distributing beer to convenience stores on its plate, Brewers Warehousing could do something useful and learn how to do distribution properly. It could also improve its bottle return operations at its less busy retail stores.

One other idea that appeals to us is that standards could be set for convenience stores that want to sell beer and wine. In one easy action and a few inspectors, you can upgrade 90 per cent of Ontario’s convenience stores. And in convenience stores, complaints that the public make could matter.

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Complaints, comments, criticisms and compliments can be sent to [email protected]

Three blind mice meet at Queen’s Park.

July 25, 2012 by Peter Lowry

Were the Toronto news media trying to make a point the other day? They were switching from the funeral of the young man killed in a gunfight at a recent barbeque to a meeting at Queen’s park about gun violence in Toronto. The three blind mice were there: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair and Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty.

When considering these three men, it is very important not to confuse ignorance with stupidity. No member of this trio is stupid. They are all intelligent men. Many people confuse Rob Ford’s brashness and the ignorance of many of the things he says for stupidity. This is a mistake. The man is very smart. He knows his constituents and he plays to them. If he turns you off, so what? You probably did not vote for him two years ago. Watch him a year and a half from now. He might decide to win another term and it is likely he can.

Bill Blair also plays his role on the civic stage. He has all the wiles and charm of a highly successful con artist. He has the police services board securely under his thumb. He poses for the news media. He is a cop’s cop. He brings no new ideas or openness to policing in Toronto. And it is at a time when the city is in need of solutions.

And, as for Dalton McGuinty, the man does not even belong at the table. When you consider the brain power available to him and the resources at his fingertips, he was probably laughing at Ford and Blair having to come to see him. He promised them nothing and he gave them nothing. The only concession was that funding for the extra police for the anti-violence program will be allowed to continue. Ford figured that was all he was going to get so he treated it as a win.

What these three men and their many aides and acolytes need to understand is that Toronto does not have a huge gun problem.

But Toronto still has a gangs and guns problem that has to be contained.

Containing young gangs and keeping guns off the street takes a multiplicity of actions. You have to offer our youth more than malls to hang out. You have to give them opportunities in their community. You have to make sure they can get jobs. You have to give them pride in their community. Give them pride in themselves.

And if the federal government is going to so ignorantly let the border leak guns from America then get ahead of it. Offer to teach youth about guns. Give them a place to shoot. Teach them that hoods are the dorks and only use guns because they lack the manhood.

The reason Toronto does not have a larger guns and violence problem is because it has a basically law abiding citizenry. Toronto is a great city. It is a peaceful city. The city needs to keep building on what is great about it.

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