Babel’s 2010 municipal election campaign is coming down to the wire. All Ontario is going to the polls in October to elect mayors, reeves, councillors, school trustees and the various elected offices needed in each municipal area. Babel is no exception. Babel voters are looking at spirited contests for ten council seats and the mayor’s chair. They are particularly interested in a colourful contest for mayor. As it has taken shape, it looks somewhat like a bad remake of Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
It is not just the fact that there are eight candidates for mayor. Nor is it because the candidate for the role of Snow White role is neither female, nor likely to be pleased at being cast in a role in which he would have to wear a tiara and a sparkly white dress. The reason for using the analogy is that the other seven candidates fit their roles as the seven dwarfs to a ‘T.’
Take ‘Happy’ for example. While some people prefer Doc, my favourite dwarf has always been Happy. How can anybody dislike a guy who is always smiling, cheerful and optimistic? This candidate reminds us of the old joke about ‘show me a happy loser and I’ll show you a loser.’ You’ll recognize him when I tell you he was a former mayor and owns a hotel. He is the ideal jovial Mr. Innkeeper. The voters were certainly not impressed with his previous efforts as mayor of Babel. He is cheerfully looking for redemption and will lose gracefully.
‘Doc’ on the other hand will not be a gracious loser. From long political experience, it is easy to see that he is not in to win. He cannot win. The voters know it. He knows it. He is the incumbent mayor and he is playing out his one-act career. We Babelites can only wish him well in retirement.
‘Sneezy’ is an easy role to play and the name fits the candidate whose name comes across as a sneeze. We are not too sure why Sneezy is making the effort. It seems, he wants to represent the average voter. To make his point, he uses his website and all-candidate opportunities to tell voters how average he is. That cannot be a winning formula in a municipality where voters are tired of having very average politicians.
According to Disney, ‘Grumpy’ is a funny character. This is puzzling though when you see that this candidate is obviously in disagreement with someone who is not even running in this election. Maybe Grumpy has not had time to update his website. Maybe he will get around eventually to explaining why he is running for mayor.
‘Bashful’ is amusing. Despite the rules against having election signs on display prior to the day that nominations close, Bashful has not been the least bit bashful about letting off a broadside against one of the nominated candidates with a sign on his property. Since he seems to only be running against that one candidate, we are pleased to tell him that the candidate whom he is attacking is about as likely to win the mayoralty as Prime Minister Harper telling the nation that he is in favour of same-sex, polygamous marriage.
‘Dopey’ is a classic Disney character and no doubt many of us are fond of the little guy. The only problem is that the candidate for mayor who best suits this character’s role is not that stupid. He is wasting a lot of money on a campaign he cannot win. He does not have a large number of supporters. He does not even have very much voter support in the ward he has represented as a councillor. Why he is running is a matter of conjecture but maybe it is best that he explain that himself.
‘Sleepy’ is the least understood of the Disney characters. Narcolepsy is a serious, but luckily rare condition that can cause the afflicted person to suddenly fall into what appears to be a sleep state at inopportune times. To be contrary, our Babel Sleepy has a tendency to wake up at inopportune times to fight past wars. He calls himself a ‘tax fighter’ and promises the miracle of no tax increases. Because of his negative attitude and angry style, he appeals to the people we refer to as the P-O voter. If Sleepy got elected, Babel voters would really have something to be P-Oed about.
And that leaves Snow White, the star of our show. While he is probably grimacing at the idea of wearing a dress full of crinolines and a tiara, his young daughter would be delighted. If he wears the dress to her second birthday party, he will be the hit of the event. And then, he can go on and win election as mayor.
– 30 –
Complaints, comments, criticisms and compliments can be sent to [email protected]