After puzzling over a more interesting way to describe Canadian politics, I finally said ‘screw it.’ And, of course, that was my answer. Henceforth, we will describe our politics in more basic words of human sexuality. We will have to practice ‘safe sex’ to ensure there are no unwanted progeny.
We can start in the missionary position to explain the sex of the conservatives. This is the blue stocking group. They have more than their share of hypocrites. The only problem is that these types of politicians look down on those of us who believe in open and varied sexual practices. These stiff and snooty types are the epitome of the book-burning, oh-too toity than the rest of us. And then you find out your mayor has been bonking a member of his staff when he has a perfectly lovely looking wife pining for him at home.
There was once a cabinet minister whose brother called me and asked me why the news media disliked his brother. I had to do some fast thinking to get around the fact that, back then, the news media did not report the marital wanderings of gentlemen and ladies in politics. This particular cabinet minister had already annoyed the prime minister by his antics, as he would show off his conquests to the media.
But I must admit that liberals are better in the bedrooms of the nation. They know that pleasure is better when shared. The person who strives to give pleasure to a friend receives pleasures in return. And liberals are creative, they bring a wonderful variety of positions and fetishes to the bedrooms of Canada.
The true measure of a liberal is not their performance in the House of Commons but in their performance on their secretary’s desk.
But then there are the new democrats. They take their pleasures when offered. They are always ‘holier than thou.’
But they know how to ‘give a hand’ when it is needed.
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