Your Reporter: (breathlessly) “Reporting in boss, we just covered our first city council meeting of 2011.”
News Director: (stuffily) “Well, what’s the report? What happened that our readers, listeners or viewers will want to know?”
Y.P: (dejectedly) “Nothin much.” (a glimmer of an idea) “Just a minute. I got a good shot of the mayor without that surprised grin he’s had on his face since election day. I think he’s trying to look more magisterial.
N.D: (huffily) “Big deal. In four years, he’ll look like he’s got a chronic ulcer. Like me. What else, ya got?”
Y.P: (cheerfully) “We got a shot of three senior cops. I’ve never seen so much metal on cop uniforms before. They were patting themselves on the back for doing their job when that tornado went through Midland last year. The Midland chief of police gave our chief a plaque.”
N.D: (peevishly) “That’ll run on page 50—if we have enough advertising for 50 pages.”
Y.R” (perkily) “And guess what? City council is gonna spend $65,000 next year slowing down traffic. Well, they are if the budget item passes. Every ward councillor is going to have cushions to put down on the road that their constituents complain the most about. Ain’t that great?”
N.D: (wearily) “Cushions? What the hell good will they do?
Y.R: (thoughtfully) “Wul, they’re kinda like temporary speed bumps that if you speed over them, they can damage your car’s tie rods and send you out of control into the nearest pedestrians.
N.D: (unbelievingly) “And council agreed to killing pedestrians?”
Y.R: (laughingly) “Of course not. It’s a known fact that people don’t want to damage their car, so they slow down for them. I don’t think they’re out to kill pedestrians. Yet.
“And the city also got some speed boards that they put up on problem streets to tell people how fast they are going. The boards can also be redirected so that local skate boarders can have speed trials.”
N.D: (grumpily) “But what’s happened to the new, fresh, open council that the new mayor promised us?”
Y.R: (musingly) “Gee boss. Nothing, I guess. Nobody wanted to talk to council about anything last night. I think it was just too damn cold and nobody wanted to come out just to complain about something. Give ‘em time.
“Mind you, if the new mayor thinks that council is open and transparent for Babel citizens, he’s in for a surprise. He does it in a friendlier way but he seem’s just the same as that last mayor—sitting there with all that metal around his neck, talking about things that people at home aren’t supposed to understand unless they have an agenda.
“You know boss, our new mayor should take a page from the experience of great mayors of the past like that guy Fiorello LaGardia of New York. When the newspapers in that city went on strike, Mayor LaGardia knew just what to do and he went on radio every day during the strike to read the comics to the people in New York. That shows that a good mayor knows what it is that people really want.”
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